{"id":387,"date":"2016-01-03T17:07:37","date_gmt":"2016-01-03T17:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/happychanter.com\/?p=387"},"modified":"2017-01-13T07:47:41","modified_gmt":"2017-01-13T07:47:41","slug":"new-years-resolution-put-your-self-first","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/happychanter.com\/index.php\/2016\/01\/03\/new-years-resolution-put-your-self-first\/","title":{"rendered":"New Year’s Resolution: Put Your Self First"},"content":{"rendered":"

You might have noticed that all has been quiet on the Happy Chanter front for the last couple of weeks. My excuse for that comes in the form of\u00a0my lovely friend Emily who came to visit for the holiday season, kicked up a party storm on the island, and left a series of hangovers in her wake. To be fair, I welcomed the opportunity to consciously step back from anything resembling work and have a bit of a holiday myself. Days, evenings and nights spent on the beach, basking, swimming, singing, eating, drinking, dancing… It was an absolute blast, and I wouldn’t change any of it. Well, except maybe that last SangSom bucket on Saturday night\u2026 That was the final straw as\u00a0my body finally gave up, said NO, and the 6 day party binge left me suffering from vertigo and fatigue for 4 days in the run up to New Year’s Eve. That part wasn’t quite so much fun.<\/p>\n

My sickness-induced downtime left me thinking a lot about my lifestyle here on Ko Lanta. While\u00a0last week was certainly more intense than usual, I can’t deny that life\u00a0in general here has\u00a0been more social than productive.\u00a0It has been wonderful and rewarding to meet so many amazing people through KoHub<\/a>, the co-working space here, but\u00a0looking back, I realise that I don’t necessarily need to be front and centre of every social occasion going – and that doing this isn’t really looking out for my own best interests.<\/p>\n

Don’t get me wrong, I am a naturally social person. I like to meet people, share a few beers, and have a good time. But I’m realising now I don’t\u00a0always have to be the party animal with a Chang in my hand. Sometimes I sacrifice what I really want or need in favour of\u00a0going along with the crowd, or not letting someone else down. I ignore my own instinct, that inner voice that whispers\u00a0“Why don’t you take it easy tonight?”, because there’s people going out<\/em> and fun to be had<\/em>. I yearn to be included, accepted, liked – at the expense of\u00a0really treating myself well, and focusing on my own passions and the\u00a0work that I came here to do.<\/p>\n

And so I’ve decided that this year will be my year. I will still socialise, do whatever I can to help out others if they need it, have some fun – but\u00a0I will start being better at putting my own interests first. As a natural people-pleaser, this feels almost selfish and I’m sure I will struggle along the way, but\u00a0I’m finally recognizing that\u00a0it’s okay to say no, it’s okay to prioritise my own happiness, well-being and success.<\/p>\n

So with that in mind, here\u00a0are some of the habits I will be adopting as we kick off 2016 –\u00a0why don’t you join me in making some changes to put\u00a0your own Self first?<\/p>\n

\"Capture\"<\/a>Fall In Love With Yourself<\/h3>\n

I guess some of the reason I put myself out there so much comes down to a deeper insecurity about how attractive or likeable I am. While I generally like what I see in the mirror, sometimes when I’m out and about I can’t help comparing myself with others and coming up short. I become painfully aware that I’m slightly chubbier than other girls, my hair more closely resembles a bird’s nest than that sexily dishevelled traveller look I was going for, that spot on my cheek just Won’t. Go. Away.\u00a0We’re all human and have flaws, but we forget that\u00a0these are usually far out-shined\u00a0by our awesome qualities. David Hamilton, in his fantastic\u00a0book I Heart Me: The Science of Self-Love<\/a>\"\"*, presents a ton of scientific evidence that positive and negative feelings about yourself can actually directly affect your brain and body chemistry. It’s literally good for your health to love yourself! Not in a narcissistic selfish way, but\u00a0simply liking who you are as a person. Make a point of looking at yourself in the mirror and consciously noticing your good qualities – maybe you have lovely smooth\u00a0skin, or a great smile, or killer abs. Appearance aside, I’m sure you are also kind, generous, loyal or funny. There is always something, so give yourself a big smile and appreciate your loveliness!<\/p>\n

Fake It ‘Til You\u00a0Make It<\/h3>\n

Following on, you want to take that\u00a0love of Self outside to the big bad world where your (mis)perceptions of what others think of you can affect how you feel. One of the best nuggets of wisdom from David Hamilton is that your brain\u00a0chemistry adjusts to what your body does. So\u00a0one of the best things you can do to improve your mood or your self-image is to act it out, even if you’re not really feeling it at that moment! He advises striking a Wonder Woman-style\u00a0power pose – head up, back straight, hands\u00a0on hips – or whatever pose\u00a0you generally feel exudes confidence. Striking that pose and holding it for two minutes will actually cause you to feel more confident and powerful. Keeping up a habit like this consistently is key for rewiring your circuitry –\u00a0I’m gonna try this one as a regular\u00a0morning mood boost, and you should too.<\/p>\n

Just Say No<\/h3>\n

I guess you’ve already figured out that this is one of my biggest problems. Between wanting to\u00a0please people and general FOMO, I hate to miss out on fun times. Even if I’m tired and would much prefer an early night in bed with a good book, I usually accept\u00a0whatever invitation is going for that evening. But it’s time to understand\u00a0that turning people down\u00a0isn’t going to turn them\u00a0against me. We all have individual needs, whether you’ve been burning the candle at both ends and need to give yourself a break, or you really need to stop faffing around and get to that project you’ve been putting off – and you need to start putting those needs to the top of your list. I sacrificed yet another night out to say goodbye to a departing KoHubber (sorry Ed!) because I\u00a0knew that if this post didn’t get written today,\u00a0it never would. Putting yourself first sometimes means that others miss out, or even that you sometimes miss out on one thing in favour of\u00a0a better thing – and that’s okay.<\/p>\n

Don’t Give Others Power Over You<\/h3>\n

So often we allow others to influence our moods and energy to the detriment of our own happiness and well-being.\u00a0My most pertinent\u00a0example of this relates to\u00a0the age-old dance between boys and girls (or boys and boys or girls and girls…) I met a boy. I liked the boy. It seemed he liked me. And so the dance commenced. What followed was a series of\u00a0miscommunications, silent periods and eventual honest dialogue, until we finally managed to come out the other side as friends. Despite the ups and downs, I am grateful for having met him, and even more so for what the experience with him has taught me about myself.<\/p>\n

The most\u00a0frustrating thing throughout\u00a0the whole situation was how I was allowing him to directly affect my mood and how I felt about myself. When he gave\u00a0me attention, it boosted me.\u00a0When he ignored me, I felt\u00a0deflated. Despite the fact that in retrospect we weren’t even that compatible, my internal dialogue always revolved around the question of \u201cDoes he like me?\u201d rather than really examining \u201cDo I even like him?\u201d, or better yet \u201cHow do I really feel about myself?!\u201d. It’s\u00a0not just me;\u00a0I’ve noticed a\u00a0common thread in recent\u00a0conversations with some girlfriends here about their own boy troubles. We allow our perceptions of what others think of us to drive our own sense of self-worth, when it should be the other way around.<\/p>\n

It doesn’t have to apply to a romantic situation, but for you it could be a friend, a family member, a work colleague. The point is to build up a secure base of self-love, and then you realise that as long as you are happy to be you, it matters less and less what that guy or girl thinks of you. And the beauty of it is that\u00a0when you are happy and secure in your authentic Self, that guy\u00a0or girl will be drawn to that natural confidence you exude. Then you<\/em> decide what happens next… Win win!<\/p>\n

Trust Your Instincts<\/h3>\n

We all have an inner voice, a Soul Self who always seems to know what’s best, even if we don’t want to admit it. I mentioned earlier that sometimes I ignore my own instinct in favour of fun times, but\u00a0it’s also gone the other way. A few weeks ago, there was another fun night out planned, but from the moment I got up\u00a0that morning there was a part of me that just wasn’t into\u00a0going out. I couldn’t quite muster up the enthusiasm for it. I spent the whole day basically trying to fight that intuition –\u00a0washing my hair in the morning so it would be nice if I did go out, trying to convince myself that it would be fun, trying to justify going out\u00a0because “sure, so-and-so is going”, or “oh that cute guy might be there”.\u00a0I remember talking with a friend that day about how indecisive I was being about the whole thing, that I couldn’t just make up my mind if I wanted to go or not. I realised later that this indecision stemmed from my attempt to ignore the very clear voice in my head that was saying “No!” I ended up staying home, finishing and posting a blog post, and even better, my musings in the quiet of my own home led to insights for 3 more separate posts! Deep down, a part of you always knows what the best\u00a0course of action is, so tune in and pay more attention\u00a0to\u00a0that little voice inside.<\/p>\n

If we put ourselves first, we can come at life from a more secure base of confidence and happiness and this will ultimately improve all aspects of our day-to-day experiences and relationships. So for this new year ahead,\u00a0let’s all set the goal\u00a0to\u00a0be\u00a0good to\u00a0ourselves, treat ourselves well, love ourselves.<\/p>\n

Wishing you all peace, happiness and love for 2016 \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

\"signature<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

*The product links provided are affiliate links. This means that I get a small commission if you purchase any of the items via these links. It doesn’t cost you an extra penny, and these are still products that I use and can wholeheartedly recommend.\u00a0Many thanks for your support.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You might have noticed that all has been quiet on the Happy Chanter front for the last couple of weeks. My excuse for that comes in the form of\u00a0my lovely friend Emily who came to visit for the holiday season, kicked up a party storm on the island, and left a series of hangovers in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":392,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,61,12],"tags":[26,14,53,49,25,62,63],"class_list":["post-387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","category-love","category-spirituality","tag-beauty","tag-compassion","tag-happiness","tag-ko-lanta","tag-love","tag-self-love","tag-well-being"],"yoast_head":"\nNew Year's Resolution: Put Your Self First - Happy Chanter<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/happychanter.com\/index.php\/2016\/01\/03\/new-years-resolution-put-your-self-first\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"New Year's Resolution: Put Your Self First - Happy Chanter\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You might have noticed that all has been quiet on the Happy Chanter front for the last couple of weeks. 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