How to Deal with Negative People in Five Easy Steps

A few years ago, there was a guy in my life. I won’t go into the boring (and ultimately irrelevant) details of what happened, but suffice to say he was not a good guy. It took me a while to realise that, though, as he had enough charm and wit to get under my skin, and also had the same effect on two close friends. He was quite manipulative and in the end, he had managed to play us all against each other, even resulting in a rift in our friendship. He didn’t care that he was hurting us; on the contrary, he actually seemed to get enjoyment from toying with our lives and emotions. We all worked in the same company so it was a very difficult time, with every day bringing new arguments and feelings of resentment, anger, and hurt. Even after I cut off contact with him, I couldn’t get the situation out of my mind. Every time I saw him in the office, strong feelings of bitterness and hatred would rise up, spoil my mood, and ruin my day.

The details of that story don’t really matter because the general situation is something we have all faced at one time or another. We all struggle with negative people. People who upset you, intentionally or otherwise. People who bring out the worst in you. People who infect your spirit with negative energy and bring you down.

It can be difficult to deal with these negative influences in your life. If someone hurts or annoys you, it can be hard to rise above those feelings of irritation, disappointment, or anger. And when you find yourself buried in those feelings, it can be a tough hill to climb to find your way back to peace and happiness, to remind yourself of all that is warm and positive, to be grateful for everything in your life.

It’s important to realise that no matter how justified your feelings may be, allowing yourself to be consumed by negative emotions has no positive impact. They don’t even affect the person you’re raging about, they only serve to bring YOU down.

By far a much more productive response would be one of compassion, forgiveness, and love. Even towards your worst enemy.

Shifting Perspective

All this drama was happening at around the same time that I first started chanting nam myoho renge kyo and reading more about Buddhism, spirituality, and compassion. The idea of compassion, especially towards those who had wronged you, had been spinning around my head as it seemed so counter-intuitive at the time. But the more I thought about it the more it did kinda start to make some sense.

©HappyChanter what they sufferThe next time I saw that guy, instead of allowing my mind to become clouded with red anger, as usual, I took a moment to really look at him. I watched him interacting and laughing with whoever he was with. I thought about how this person got such a kick out of hurting people. I wondered how he ended up that way. What must have happened in his life to result in him treating people like this? I realised that he must be hurting, on some level. Despite his casual attitude and easy laugh, I knew that deep down he must be suffering, and was lashing out at the world to either alleviate his own pain or to get some abstract revenge.

With this insight, I was soon able to look at him from a different perspective. I was able to shift my own feelings from bitterness and hatred to compassion towards him. Compassion for whatever had happened in his life to cause him to get his kicks from hurting people. Any suffering is worthy of a compassionate response, and that compassion I directed towards him also served me in the release of those harsh emotions that had been weighing me down. I was able to forgive him, to beam some loving energy his way, and then to move on with my day and life.

I am even grateful to have suffered this experience with him, as it ultimately led to this profound shift in my thinking.

The good news is that with regular spiritual practice and a bit of mindful attention to your own reactions, this kind of shift can come much more naturally for you too. You can get to a point where it doesn’t take quite so much effort to step back from your familiar feelings of anger and animosity and actively transmit feelings of love and compassion instead, and in doing so, release yourSelf from the weight of negativity.

Five Easy Steps

Chant nam myoho renge kyo – ideally every day, even better at the start and end of every day, but at least as often as you can manage.

Stop: When you notice yourself getting worked up, angry, anxious, upset by a person or even just the thought of them, just stop yourself for a moment. It can help to turn your attention to your breath, even just for 3 slow conscious breaths.

Think: Think about why this person has done what they’ve done. Ask yourself what else might be going on in their life that is causing them to behave this way. Open yourself to the possibility that they too are struggling or suffering in some way.

Shift: Remember that all suffering is worthy of compassion. Try to feel some empathy for whatever they might be going through. Summon a feeling of hope for them that they might overcome their issues and become better for it. Send some loving energy their way.

Release: Move on with your day. Get back to what you’re doing in the moment. Indulge in activities that make you feel light and happy. Smile!

Do you struggle to overcome negative energy in your life? Does this process help you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, or join the discussion in the Happy Chanters Around The World Facebook group!

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One thought on “How to Deal with Negative People in Five Easy Steps

  1. Sabrina

    Thank you. I know it seems last time this blog was updated was in 2020. I know the pandemic reset everyone lives for sure. I love this blog and it definitely should’ve been more bigger than what it is. I’m into the Law of Mind/Belief, I don’t use Law of Attraction because of the whole misconstrued messages millennials/Gen-Z has mixed with it.

    I used to be someone who tampered with Christianity being from the south in the USA. My grandparents were heavily into Christianity like they are full blown toxic evangelicals. I got indoctrinated into being ‘saved’ at only 14 years old because I was uneducated about the whole God concept. I used to believe in the Bible as well and would pray but nothing I wanted I never got it.

    In 2020 I went on an awakening or something. Like I disconnected from social media, the whole riots, etc. I just started disconnecting from Christianity values, perspectives, and beliefs. I feel the religion in particular is toxic, sexism, detrimental, and dangerous for the world because it’s like the default religion.

    I didn’t care for other religions. I came in contact with the LOA but watching so many YouTube videos of it, I still didn’t know the steps to apply the techniques. Then I started to do a deeper dive on all the different teachers of ‘New Thought’ from eons ago. I saw the obsession with Neville Goddard but his teachings never resonates with me because his techniques aren’t for people who are beginners into using the Law to get what they want/need in life. It’s that simple, he was caught up into to much of trying to almost detach from being human. I’m not into all of that.

    I discovered Dr. Joseph Murphy (Authoer of the wonderful Law of Minds books: Power of the Subconscious Mind, Your Infinite Power to Be Rich, Infinite for Richer Living,
    Miracle Power for Infinite Riches, The Cosmic Energizer: Miracle Power of the Universe) I fell in love with his lectures, books, and type of logic. The whole New Thought stuff resonated with me and then I found Florence Schinn books and then Catherine Ponder (I just replace the words because Catherine Ponder was big on using ‘Jesus’ a lot but after I deconstructed I don’t take offense to that word anymore.) They laid down incredible groundwork and the simple basic affirmation techniques they tell you to do, you have to pick on and stick with them then treat your goals like a mission.

    I haven’t started yet because I’m currently on Joseph Murphy techniques out of one of his books. I know greater is coming because I have a lot of goals to accomplish.

    Fast forward what led me to this blog was that I was searching up Buddhism and trying to get to understand it all. I don’t want to convert but I was looking into secular Buddhism to practice some of the principles because I align with some of its teachings. I love meditation ‍♀️ as well, then I went looking on a forum about this particular chant that Tina Turner was known to chant which helped her life change and she star rocketed into success, abundance, wealth, and found happiness in her life after a hard life.

    I never truly understood Buddhism but I read a book ‘No Nonsense Buddhism for Beginners’ by Noah Rasheta. I found though a secular Buddhism blogger through web browsing. So I wrote down the teachings and the origins of it as well. It helped me understand it well and knowing the other traditions of it also the other subsets of Buddhism while understanding who Buddha was/ and it’s not based around some male god or any type of almighty deity, it’s non-theistic which I like. There’s no talks of the focusing on any afterlife but instead to focus on life before death which is the type of mindset I always carried but since I was influenced around Christianity, all those people do is focus on the afterlife and they believe this life is a curse to them even though all of them would say that’s not true. They feel this present life is meaningless and that people need to be saved to experience heaven in the after world. It’s not something I connected with.

    The Buddha taught a method of living intended to be practiced, rather than a set of ideas he asked his followers to believe. I however don’t seek to join a organization or a Sangha.

    I’m chewing the meat and spitting out the bones but I like it. I plan to make me small meditation space as I hit reset on my life and starting from the bottom up. I have big goals for myself and I feel we are all here to life an amazing life and don’t let obstacles detour us from that but just take it as it is then look how you can solve the problem instead of whining or not doing a thing about it.

    I am going to use this ‘ Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ though combined with an English affirmation from Dr. Joseph Murphy I’m using. I’m happy for independent thinkers, free thinkers, and just good people who think like this. I wish to meet people like this and bond with them who don’t conform to whatever, I’m a non-conformist personally/independent thinker so I love when others step into their power to be themselves to share these things.

    You didn’t have to belong to any religious organization. The power is already within us and that’s what I’ve discovered.


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